Saying goodbye to our Angel

It has been a very difficult 24 hours. Alan had been breathing shallowly for the last few days, but at 11 am yesterday morning, his breaths became very hard and laboured. We called his nurse Chris and Doc M2, and Chris was soon here to do an assessment on Alan. Alan was only breathing from the upper half of his lungs - the bottom half was under pressure from the tumor. We're quite sure his pain was controlled, but Alan was understandably anxious about the difficulty he was having in breathing.

There wasn't really anything we could do except calm him. It was the continuing encroachment of the tumor causing this pressure and because he was getting saturated with CO2, giving him additional O2 would not have made him more comfortable. The opposite in fact, since hypoxia would have put him in a pain-free state.

Eventually, he just became exhausted by the effort it took to breath. Doc M2 likened the work Alan was doing to breathe to running a marathon. After five hours of fighting for breath, Alan finally slipped away shortly after 4 PM.

We were surrounded by love, both Alan's and all his angels. In the past week, we have gotten involved in a group of bereaved cancer parents who have helped us on this path that they have taken before us. The "aunties" were here to help us say good bye as Alan was taken away in Sponge Bob PJs. We spent the rest of the night crying, looking at Alan's pictures and remembering his indomitable spirit, soaking in the love, sympathy, and prayers being sent our way and self-medicating with a quarter gallon of Floresville Tin Roof Sundae and three bananas.

This morning we will try to get through our first full day without Alan. The house is too quiet.


Resting with Mommy


Daddy lifts big brother Kevin up for a kiss


Alan gives Mommy a kiss