We taken some family trips without him, got through some holidays without him, tried to get back to life as normal without him. Except it won't ever be normal like it was before. It's hard going out as a family of three.
We have been talking with friends, old and new, who have also lost a child. It helps. When you lose your parents you are an orphan, if you lose a spouse you are a widow or widower, but what are you if you lose a child? There's no term for it, because it's so un-natural.
The milestones continue to come, each one taking us farther and farther away from Alan. We attended the dedication of a tree in Alan's memory at his school. When his teacher Ms Anna asked what they wanted on the plaque, his classmates said "Alan was our friend". Surrounded by Alan's classmates and teachers as well as Kevin's class, we blew bubbles and released a massive bunch of golden balloons. After a break, a small group of Alan's friends came out to join hands and make a circle around his tree.
We laid him to rest at the family plot, with a tree at the foot of the plot. We will put a bench under the tree as well as the headstone. Alan's urn was accompanied by coins from the staff of Chuck E Cheese and Morgan's Wonderland as well as a plush Sponge Bob and Chuck E. After the service, our little friends "planted" flowers over his grave.
We thanked almost 150 of our local friends who had given us so much support over the last four years at one of Alan's favourite places, Morgan's Wonderland. It was also the unveiling of his name on the Memorial Wall in the Sanctuary Garden. We also had a reunion of the Alan's Angels team, with fuzzy heads two weeks post-shave and over $8,000 raised for pediatric cancer research.
We have a temporary marker right now. The permanent headstone and the customization of the bench will take some time to proof, carve and install. In the mean time, this stone will mark Alan's resting place.
With the three month milestone today, Alan was especially on our minds. Harold was making up a Kevin/Alan song to the tune of Pinky and the Brain at bedtime when Kevin said "Alan is sick". Harold was a little surprised and replied, "No, not anymore." Then Kevin said "Alan is gone." and Harold replied, "Yes," and asked him "how does that make you feel?" Kevin said "Empty". And that's how we all feel.
